Crumbs In Your Bed And Other Heart Breaking Things...

I love cleaning... it's what I do when I’m stressed, bored, expecting guests, sad, happy, excited. It’s just what I do! I also love my bed. Very little comes between me and my bed. I have an obsolete desk and chair in my room thanks to my bed. I literally live from my bed. It is the hub of my world. My dinner table, my workspace, and mostly, my actual bed! But isn’t it just the WORST, most soul destroying thing, to turn over one night and feel that itch, that scratch... that CRUMB on your sheets. And try as you might to sweep it off, it just bounces about, like a baby on a bouncing castle. And they never work alone, oh no they come in troops.... almost like an assembly! Its times like these I regret my midnight escapades to the kitchen for toast, or that delicious yet disastrous granola! Either way, despite the regret I feel for eating it, I love it.... and I could never begrudge its crumbly nature.
Although all the above sentiments are accurate and true, I am speaking metaphorically and sort of continuing on from my last post... a sequel if you will.... I’ve come to a conclusion: my heart hates me.... it doesn’t want me to be happy, instead its chosen to torture me daily by sending thoughts to my brain that discourage moving on... and while I love to fantasize and escape into my imagination of what could have been.... there’s always a CRASH! The insensitive comment, the absence of a simple ‘x’ or the plain ignoring of a text... and I feel sad, disappointed, rejected, hurt... all the feelings I’ve been through before, only fresher because I allowed my heart to tease me... and yet I wont ever learn... ill let my mind wander from time to time, and because of human nature, and well lets face it, guys being downright oblivious... ill get shell-shocked every time... talk about a vicious circle.
But... if there could be one, the light at the end of the tunnel would be: hopefully... these moments of hurt will build up and incite immunity if not a resistance in me. My heart might cop on to the reality of the situation and eventually... I won’t care.
This is all assuming I’m not being super sensitive. Who knows?

As ever,
LMC
Xxx