Left Behind

Recently I’ve been feeling rather worthless; like no one would think twice if I wasn’t around. No one would miss me if I disappeared to another country for a year. I guess my situation in life isn’t helping. I’m a college student, people around me are bound to be itching to travel, explore the world and gain experiences while they have the chance. I’ve just begun to feel like I’m being left behind.
Why would I be more hesitant than anyone else to uproot and move to Australia in the next 9 months? Why don’t my future prospects involve travelling far and wide? Perhaps I’m simply a home-bird, or maybe I couldn’t bear the thought of living without my close friends nearby. Thanks to technology, these days, no one is further than a text away, but is that enough? No relationship, whether platonic or passionate can survive on texts and facebook chats. Is it just that I value the people in my life more?
In my first relationship, we took a week’s holiday to a beach house about 3 hours from our home town. It was the best week imaginable. As though we were on our honeymoon, we got on like a house on fire. No arguments, no irritations, plenty of sharing and happy co-existing. My mam would ring everyday and ask ‘are you getting on each others nerves yet?’ and each day I’d answer happily with ‘actually no. We are having a ball’ and it was the truth.
Personally and truthfully, I would consider myself a nightmare roommate. I am very set in my ways and I like things done certain ways. I share when it suits me and I have annoying habits. I wouldn’t inflict my company for that length of time on anyone. But, unbelievably it was perfect. Unfortunately, when it came to the question of work experience for college, the dream boyfriend didn’t bat an eye leaving me for 6 weeks to travel across the country. While he said he missed me frequently, it didn’t soothe the loneliness and abandonment I felt.
My best friend has now announced that she is jetting off to New York next summer, with her best friend... Makes me feel... AH... COME BACK!
Again, with my current love interest, his recent plans to uproot and move to Australia indefinitely have left me shell-shocked. The mere thought of him moving halfway across the world, seemingly without a second thought to me, breaks my heart a thousand times over. Granted we are in two different stages of life, he has finished college while i am only starting out. Still, it forces you to consider that you mean little or nothing to this person. A thought that crushes you inside when you compare it to the love you feel for them.
At the end of the day, my conclusive statement would be: I wish I meant more to the people that mean most to me.

Still,
LMC
xxx