I'm the kind of person that has a few very very close friends. I confide in people and let them in quickly, developing comfortable relationships. But what happens when all that trust turns sour? When they turn and use it against you, when they choose others over you, when they move on in life.... Who's left? No one. The one advantage of having so few friends... loneliness is inevitable.
First year in college has been amazing. Made a tonne of friends, all lovely people, and a few close friends. But my little core group of friends was shattered by a stupid misunderstanding and a perfect example of mixed messages. Sadly, because most of the core group of friends I had live together, I became the outsider when they joined against me. Ive been ignored for the past month now by one friend who is WAAAAAY over-reacting, and by another who is simply being a douche. And while I know for certain I didnt do anything wrong, nothing that deserved this kind of treatment, I feel so betrayed and isolated. People I thought were good friends of mine have just cast me out, forgotten about me, turned against me in hatred... and I dont know why!
To trust someone and have them take advantage of that is the worst thing about how open I am with people...
My best friend in secondary school never ever opened up to me, not til I confronted her about it in the last week of school. I know I voluntarily open up to people, but it implies that I expect and welcome the same in return. You may have a horrible secret or something you're ashamed of, have never told someone.... IM YOUR WOMAN.... i too have things like that, and I have shared them.. and the relief when that person still loves you exactly the same as before you confided, lets you know you've found someone special. Recently too, my best friend from home told me drunkenly that she lies to me sometimes and doesnt tell me the full truth... while I knew she wasnt in her right mind, i felt so let down, like she didnt trust me or something. I want people to know I am trustworthy. Knowing that one of my closest friends has told me something no one else knows, made me feel so useful and needed. I love that.
I just wish i could find more people who would be just as open back, so a mutual trust and confidence in the relationship could be formed.
Sincerely,
LMC
xxx
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